broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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