It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize