Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
