You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can you bring me the toilet please
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So vagazzling was a success
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
