Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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