and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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