WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
