no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
