my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
