omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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