we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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