I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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