its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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