I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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