She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
