I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
