I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
