she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
