Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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