I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
