Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize