I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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