She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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