Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
