Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
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Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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