the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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