i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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