Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
