I'm really into asian looking animals
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
