dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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