I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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