WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
