He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
