I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love having hate sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
