i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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