This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
