I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
