i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I AM VODKA MAN
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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