Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
