Your face is a jimmy john
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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