do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
