Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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