So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
