that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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