And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He shit in the fireplace
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
