It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
