I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
