How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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