i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
