I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize