Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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