my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
