no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
