I met the friendliest cop last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
