He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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