I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
