I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
