I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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