My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
