I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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