walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
3 2 1 whiskey
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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