there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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